Bobby showed up to work on a scooter, proudly announcing he’d graduated from crutches. He was in a full walking boot after ankle surgery, but with one catch, he wasn’t allowed to actually walk on it for another week. The scooter was his only option, and as he shared, it had already gotten him into trouble.
Last night, things had started going downhill quickly. His wife had gone out, something he fully supported since she’s very pregnant and doesn’t get out much these days. Still, the moment she left, he made a series of choices that only spiraled from there. First, he ordered three hot dogs from Daddy’s Dogs and ate them all, way too much relish included. His stomach instantly regretted it. Then he let their dog, Eller, outside around dusk. Their property stretches across several acres, so Eller usually wanders and comes back within an hour. But an hour passed… then four. She was nowhere to be found. While pacing wasn’t an option, panicking certainly was. He imagined she’d escaped, gotten hurt, or found trouble in the woods. As he hobbled around calling for her, he felt more and more helpless, a self-described peg-leg pirate alone in the yard.
Things got worse when he climbed onto his scooter, placed his knee down slightly off-center, and wiped out. He landed directly on his bad foot. The pain was sharp enough to convince him he’d undone his surgery. So he laid there, alone on the ground, for a couple of minutes, feeling like the woman in the “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” commercial. In that moment, he even prayed, starting with, “Dear God, that one’s on me,” just to make it clear he knew he’d brought this on himself. Looking for comfort, he decided to take a bath. But the bath came with complications too. He wasn’t allowed to get his surgical foot fully wet since the stitches had just been removed. So he got into the big, deep standalone tub with one leg sticking out of the water, only to realize once he was in that he couldn’t get out. Wet, stuck, sore, dog missing — it felt like a country song in the making.
Eventually, he managed to climb out and was shivering when his wife finally walked through the door. He immediately told her the dog was missing. She grabbed a flashlight, put on sweats, and headed into the woods to search. Thankfully, Eller eventually came trotting back on her own. All night afterward, Bobby kept doing the hesitant “I don’t want to bother you, but…” routine, even though it was clear his foot was throbbing. His wife ended up grabbing a bag of frozen hash browns from the freezer to use as an ice pack. It worked better than expected, maybe even better than regular ice. By the time morning came, he’d had a long night of pain, panic, a missing dog, and one questionable bath. With nothing else to do during recovery, he admitted he’d been passing the time by participating in TikTok trends, including the latest one, which is literally just sitting around being bored.
It wasn’t the night Bobby expected, but he made it through: scooter wipeout, hash browns, country-song chaos and all.
